Hey Big Daddy,
You weren’t the best-looking guy in the world, but you sure had a lot of fun
with the ladies. How did you manage it? Was your power an aphrodisiac? Did
you have a great personality? I remember you yelling at somebody who swiped
your parking place in front of the treasurer’s office, and you got really
ugly. I could never figure out what your big attraction was. Anyway, I look
better than you ever did, and I can’t get to first base. So what was your
–Downtrodden in Dixon
One of the things I miss most about walking through the halls of the Capitol
is the sweet smell of a woman’s perfume. There’s really just no way to
describe the beauty of that aroma and the feeling you get when you can turn
heads without even trying.
Big Daddy knows he wasn’t the best looking pol ever to hit Sacramento, which
is why I had to rely mainly on the CCP-Class, Confidence, and Power-method,
though not necessarily in that order.
When I was just a mere Assemblyman from Inglewood in the late 1950’s, my
drawing power with the skirts, while better than yours, wasn’t anything
worth noting in the Assembly Daily Journal. However, that all changed after
Sept. 30, 1961, when I was fortunate enough to become the newest Speaker of
the Assembly. That simple change really helped fill out my black book. Had I
gotten better lookin’ over night? Hell no, but I had gotten a lot more
powerful, and power attracts women the same way flowers attract bees.
So, if you aren’t powerful and don’t have any prospects of being powerful in
the near future, you need to at least give off the illusion of being
powerful. That’s where confidence comes in. There isn’t enough booze in
Scotland to cover up the stench of desperation. By the end of my tenure, I
could smell a desperate lobbyist or a desperate Senator at 100 paces-and
every woman I know could smell a desperate dater at twice that distance.
There’s a fine line between confident and cocky, and you certainly don’t
want to cross it, but you’ve got to work a room or a bar or a meeting like
you own it.
Now, if you want to improve your odds even more, you need to have a little
class. Given the fact that Big Daddy had several dozen helpings of power, I
didn’t need all that much class, which explains why I’d waste my time
publicly dressing down someone who stole my parking spot instead of just
calmly having the bastard towed.
The first thing you’re going to have to do if you want up that class
quotient is to get the heck out of Grain & Feed City. You may not have to
offer a lady a quiet dinner at the El Mirador in order to have her waking up
next to you the next morning, but I guarantee you’re going to have to do
better than a burger at Bud’s. Equally important, it’s time to ditch the
Pabst long necks that are so popular in your hometown and move over to
something a little stronger. It’s classy, it exudes confidence, and it’s
clearly the drink of choice of the powerful.