Dear Big Daddy

Dear Loyal CW Readers:
Before we get started, I’ve got to tell you Big Daddy is a tad perturbed
this week. Not only did the CW copy desk mangle the opening of last week’s
column, it also seems my now-former agent didn’t negotiate a legislative
recess into my CW contract. That means while 120 professional vehicle
leasers are off stocking up on suntan lotion, I’m here hunting and pecking
to help as many of the love- and legislative-lorn as possible. Not that any
of you will know, because you’re probably on vacation.

The CW readership must be up because once again, the mailbag is overflowing
this week, so let’s get right to it:

Dear Big Daddy:
It’s recess, the Capitol is like a morgue, and it’s really tough for me to
find things to do. Got any suggestions?

Well, there’s always the Capitol Weekly online salaries data base
(www.capitolweekly.net/salaries). If that’s played itself out, and you still
don’t have anything to do, then clearly you’re either working for a
back-bencher or you’re on your way to becoming one yourself. If you’re truly
looking for work and finding a hard time getting motivated, I’d apply for a
job with Senator Migden. I understand she’s quite the motivating force.

Dear Big Daddy:
I’ve heard that Arnold Schwarzenegger is 5 feet 8 inches tall, although his
official height is put at 6 feet 1 inch and three-quarters. What’s the
truth, Big Daddy?

If you’re going to gossip about a man–hell, about a sitting governor–let’s
do it about something much more entertaining than his height, which has
absolutely zero impact on his ability to get the job done. History is
littered with famous, brilliant people who have done wonderful things for
this world in spite of, or perhaps thanks to, their height. Joan of Arc was
4′ 11″, St. Francis of Assisi was 5′ 1″, and Margaret Mead was 5′ 2″. Need
more? John Keats was just 5′ 3/4″, Mother Teresa was 4′ 10″, Fiorello
LaGuardia was 5′ 2″, and Winston Churchill was just a shade over 5′ 6″.
There are plenty of reasons why this governor should go back to Hollywood
full-time, but the opportunity to land the lead in The Herv