Dear Big Daddy,What do you think of John Chiang docking the pay of legislators? –Doubtful in Delano

Dear Doubtful,A smart move by the state’s top bean counter and the opening move in his 2014 campaign for governor. Of course, if he did this when I was speaker, I would have whacked him good and he

Dear Big Daddy,In light of recent events, should we all be glad that you were never on the planet at the same time as Twitter?–Tittering in Tuolumne

Dear Tit, You can rest assured that if I had been around at the same time as the one communications medium that is even shallower than the Internet,

Dear Big Daddy,Didn’t there used to be a rule about reading on the floor of the Assembly or Senate? Now, every time I look up, some lawmaker or another is reading from a script. What gives? –Befuddled in Bolinas

Dear Befuddled,Be happy that they can read (well, most of them). This is a helpful skill when

Dear Big Daddy,Speaking of Arnold and the love child, what’s with Gloria Allred?–Suspicious in San DimasDear Suspicious,Good politicians latch on to a big story and pop up at critical moments to grab the limelight. This is how it is done – or should be done. So when activist lawyer Gloria Allred pops up to defend

Dear Big Daddy,In your era, men in politics could say a lot of things they wouldn’t say now. But those days are over and Charles Calderon ought to know better. Right?–Undoing Sexism in Santa Rosa

Dear USSR, Good politicians know when to keep their mouths shut. Calderon, by most accounts, is a smart player who

Big Daddy,You locked lawmakers up before to force a deal. Should we do it again?–Bemused in Belmont

Dear Bemused,It’s way past time. It’s time to do the deed for the sake of the budget.

When the floors get under way for Motions and Resolutions or when members introduce popular constituents or when everyone’s milling

Dear Big Daddy,A chimp? A freakin’ chimp?!–Really, really, really mad in LA

Dear RRR,People keep telling the GOP they need a big tent. They shouldn’t be too surprised when someone gets confused and thinks they mean a circus.

Ok, that’s a pretty lame excuse (and joke). But it’s a whole lot better than anything

Dear Big Daddy,Why does everyone keep talking about Texas? I thought I lived in California. — Lone Star in Lompoc

Dear Lone,Gravity is a function of mass. Trust me, I should know. If I’d been any bigger, things would have started to orbit me. Heck, come to think of it, they did: women, lobbyists, women

Dear Big Daddy,Is Bob Dutton the biggest wuss in the Legislature? –Carl in Contra CostaDear Carl,At worst, he ranks 15th, but does it matter? I’m not sure any member of this current crop could beat a gerbil in a cage match. I know it’s not fair comparing amateurs to professionals, but when it comes to

Hey Daddy,Were we really in a drought until Brown rescinded that executive order a few days ago? Has everybody lost their minds? Is the state crazy?–Morose in Monrovia

Dear Morose,

Yes, yes and yes.

So what’s the big deal? Executive orders are transitory and chimerical – pretty good, huh? – and while nothing ever