Big Daddy

Dear Big Daddy,
Why doesn’t the governor take a furlough? It’s not like he’s doing anything anyway.
–Unpaid and unhappy

Dear UU,

Need I remind you that our Governor works for $1 a year? Some even claim that he’s worth almost every penny. Never mind that he’s more likely to deliver a pizza than a Republican budget vote.

Still, I’m sure there’s plenty of state workers who’d love to save that dime. And that’s not even getting into the fact that the most expensive governor in our state’s history is the one we don’t pay. Want to save the state money, Schatzi? Cutting your own staff and frills might be a start.

And I know that some shadowy non-profit covers a lot of your travel expenses so the state doesn’t have to (which makes me a bit uncomfortable all on its own). Not to mention that taking a private jet back and forth to LA-LA land more often than some folks eat these days may send the wrong impression. If you cut back, that whole “Green Governor” bit might mean a bit more. People like to throw out the term “carbon footprint,” but yours is more like what Homer Simpson leaves on a couch.

And speaking of, I’m sure manorexic Gray Davis cost a lot less to haul around than a chief executive who might outweigh me at my most lovable. Check out Obama, guv. Thin is the new “pumped up!”  

But I bet I know which carbon dioxide emissions you’re most worried about, UU—that would be the ones coming out of the governor’s mouth every time he scapegoats state workers as part of the problem. The governor is partying like its 2005, maybe pretending that he never had his carbon butt-print handed to him in like so much Chinese takeout in that year’s special election. Maybe what we’re really watching is the first baby steps of a Senate run.

If you listen to his rhetoric, our governor seems to be cozying up to Republicans again. Like that does any good. There’s been a lot of debate about what “post-partisan” really means, but in the case of our governor, it looks a lot like a bigamist with two bad marriages.
In five years, our Guv has managed to woo approximately one Reep—and he couldn’t even be bothered to send poor Abel Maldonado some flowers around election time. I think it comes down to Schatzi being too pretty in his younger days. It’s all about relationships in this business—and our Guv is a fella who spent most his life having a serious one with a mirror.

Of course I would say this, but don’t ever trust a man who wants to be admired like a fine painting. Muscles aside, it ain’t manly—and it also says a lot about who he’ll be ten minutes after he’s gotten what he wanted. I may have fooled around like a tomcat in my time, but I still knew how to make a girl or nine feel special. Some of those same personality skills helped me get what I wanted in the Leg, and I don’t think Arnie (or any of our other hapless leaders) has got ‘em.

Still, UU, with the Gov winning a round in court, it looks like you’re about to get a mid-winter mini-vacation (and if I were a betting man, which I am, my money would be on our dry spell ending in spectacular fashion Friday morning). Time to clean the house, take up a hobby, volunteer with a deserving organization—anything to make you feel like this isn’t a preview to a whole lot permanent more time off coming (which it may be, but let’s not dwell on that).

So look on the bright side. I seem to recall seeing a survey showing that most people are stressed out at work and would love some unpaid time off. That is, among those who don’t already have fulltime unpaid time off.

In other words, UU, it’s all about perspective. You’re not being devalued and abused. You’re living the dream. Really.