Big Daddy

Dear Big Daddy,
So I went into a cave for the July 4 weekend, but I just found out that Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska! What was she thinking?

 
Dear Lost,
She must have been thinking “I wanna make it real easy for Big Daddy to write his column this week.” You know, the same thing Mark Sanford, Miss California, and the entire legislature have been thinking in recent months.

But seriously, think about what you just said. No one ever accused Mrs. Palin of being a deep thoughts-haver. Sure, she has a certain kind of animal cunning. But planning anything out? She’s more likely to fly by the seat of her leather miniskirt—and given how far it’s taken her, who are we to say she’s wrong?

Since you brought up Miss California, Carrie Prejean (or was that me?) she and Sarah Palin have more in common than a sash and an NRA card. They both simply outgrew their office. Prejean’s little tiff with Perez Hilton, and her subsequent rise to top cheerleader against homo-nuptualism, made her time a little too valuable for the endless mall appearances that were going to be her lot. Sensing that her fifteen minutes were ticking away, she made the sensible move and generated even more publicity by making sure to get herself fired. Who said beauty queens are dumb?

And don’t think for a second that Palin hadn’t outgrown the governorship of our coldest, emptiest state. Sure, it wouldn’t come with the G-word, but in real terms, running Fresno would be a step up. Heck, in California, we have multiple mayors who manage bigger budgets and staffs. Word on the tundra is that her book deal and many media appearances were causing some friction in the state house. That is, if she was ever actually there.

Besides, who even wants to be a governor these days? It’s sort of like being made a captain of a sinking ship. Palin had the sense to turn over the keys and head for the lifeboats, never mind who hit the iceberg. Some say she’s crazy, but my money’s on crazy like a fox.

Sure, this might disqualify her to be president of the United States, but did anyone really believe she was qualified in the first place? Would 18 more months as governor of an oil-producing iceberg really buttress her foreign policy bona fides? As far as I know, the view from her house hasn’t changed.

So that’s what I’m thinking. But what I’m really hoping is that we’ve broken the glass ceiling of infidelity. Nothing against Todd Palin, and I’m not saying I’m wishing that his wife had cheated on him, but seeing him looking on, sad-eyed and snowsuit-clad as his pretty little wifey speaks of soul-mates and lust in her heart and hiking the Appalachian Trail would be a nice consolation prize for those who were hoping to see Hillary Clinton elected. Would he stand there with a plastic smile on his face (see Spitzer, McGreevey)? Or would he pull a Jenny Sanford and kick the bum out on her moneymaker?

Remember that old bumper sticker from the bra-burning era: “Women who want to be equal to men lack ambition.” When equality shows its dark comedic side, I can’t help but chuckle into my whiskey.