Big Daddy

Ask Big Daddy

Dear Loyal Readers,
In five days, it’ll be all over except the shouting. Let’s hope when we talk again in a week, your hangovers will have all cleared up from the victory celebrations, or the wakes, you’ll be attending on Tuesday night and Wednesday morning. I’m told Kings County Bowl was all set to host an Election Night Bowl-A-Thon until it found out Election Day was on a Tuesday this year, which, as it turns out, is league night. As you might imagine, canceling league night at KCB without a really good reason could lead to rioting in the streets of Hanford, and I don’t think anyone wants to see that happen.
Just what is a “gut and amend,” and how come everybody seems to do it? It sounds awful.
I don’t know who came up with that term, but it had to have been someone from a farm county. Maybe Hanford. A gut-and-amend is a little legislative slight of hand, something that can be used for good or for evil to catch your opponents off-guard and move something through the Legislature in a way that avoids the public-hearing process. It’s damn efficient, but cuts the public completely out of the discussion. Unless you’ve got a good reason for doing it, I’d steer clear of a process that’s virtually guaranteed to have the fourth estate ride you like Trigger through Capitol Park and give you a well-deserved flogging.
Where do young, single Republican staffers hang out? How about young, Democratic staffers? Are there any good meeting places near the Capitol?
From what Big Daddy has observed from up here (yes, up here, not down there, as some Republicans would have you believe), if you can’t meet four young, long-legged beautiful staffers on your way to the can, you need to drink more coffee. In no particular order, I’d try the copy machine, the elevator, the Legislative Counsel lobby, and any establishment around the Capitol that serves up JWR in a heavy rocks glass. Guess which option Big Daddy would suggest checking out first?
I’ve been offered a staff gig with a legislator who I cannot stand. Should I suck it up and take the job, or should I wait to see if something better comes along?
I suppose it depends on why you can’t stand this particular lawmaker. Is it their personality? Their politics? The way their lunch falls from their mouth when they eat? Being selective in your employment is always a good idea, so if you can afford to roll the dice and wait for a better offer, Big Daddy says do it. If you work for someone who makes a potted plant look like the president of the local Mensa, chances are you aren’t going to put out your best product. More problematic is “apple and tree” phenomenon. That is, if your opinion of your would-be boss is shared widely in the Capitol, chances are when you interview for your next job, the person asking you where you want to be in 10 years will be asking themselves, “Why to I want to hire the potted plant’s chief fertilizer?” If you can hold your breath for a better offer, by all means hold it.
My girlfriend, through an odd set of circumstances, is now my boss in the Capitol. I think I need to find a new job fast, but she says there’s no problem. What do you think?
What’s that old saying, “don’t (insert colorful livestock-related verb/adjective here) where you eat?” A tired, old cliche? Without question, but that doesn’t make it any less accurate. Keeping them both is a non-starter, no matter how good the job is or how often your lady asks you to refill the copy-machine toner. Actually, as I ponder this further, you probably have no choice but to start floating your resume throughout the Capitol as soon as you possibly can. Giving up the girl for the job probably won’t go over too well with your new boss, which could leave you with nothing. In other words, a girl in the hand is better than nothing in the bush.
What’s a better place to work: the Assembly or the Senate?
Please, tell me you’re kidding me. Do you prefer fun, excitement, cutting-edge politics, and drop-dead-gorgeous women, or do you want to spend your days soaking somebody’s teeth in a glass, running to the store when the supply of blue hair dye gets low, and checking the obituaries every morning to see if walking precincts in a special election is going to be in your future? Enough said. Now, where the hell is my bowling ball?

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