Hey Big Daddy,

I’m a Capitol staffer and recently I went joy-riding in a state car with myfriend. I told my boss I was headed to the district office but I wound uprunning the car into a ditch near Big Sur. I wasn’t hurt and my friend wasOK, too, but I’m wondering if I’m in

Hey Big Daddy,

“I understand Governor Schwarzenegger dyes his hair and wears lifts in hisshoes. What do you think of a leader who seems to be so obsessed with hispersonal appearance? I know that you were never overly concerned with yourpersonal image.”

–Fashion Police

Dear Fashion Police –

Whether we like it or not, politics

Hey Big Daddy,

Does the Capitol really need all this new security? Multiple metal detectors, barriers in Capitol Park, beefed-up security forces, cops everywhere? Just because one guy drove a big-rig into the Capitol in a suicide attack doesn't mean that the Capitol needs to be surrounded by cops.

What do you think?

Hey Big Daddy,

I work for a broadcast outlet and we frequently have high-profile
politicians as guests. I’m responsible for booking the guests, and recently
I found myself in an uncomfortable situation. There was a misunderstanding
when a certain statewide politician showed up to appear on a program for
which he was not scheduled. The politician’s PR handler sent the station a
nasty letter about my incompetence, though he conveniently didn’t mention
the sexist comment he had made at the station about me prior to the
incident. I am just learning this business, but I feel I may be too
thin-skinned for it. Do you think I should call it quits this early in the
game?

–Grumbling in Sacramento

Hey Big Daddy,

I’m a Republican with a goatee, and I have aspirations of running for alegislative seat someday. Do I have to lose the beard in order to getelected? I’m told that politicians with beards are a no-no in politics, evenin San Francisco.

–Hirsute in Sacramento

Dear Hirsute-

The answer to the question

Hey Big Daddy,

I’m a lobbyist and I have a problem: I have sweaty palms. It’s not that I’m
particularly nervous or anything, it’s just that my palms are naturally
sweaty, even when it’s cold outside. In my business, I have to shake hands
with lots of people and sweaty palms can send the wrong signal. What should
I do?

–Betty in Benicia

Hey Big Daddy,
You weren’t the best-looking guy in the world, but you sure had a lot of fun
with the ladies. How did you manage it? Was your power an aphrodisiac? Did
you have a great personality? I remember you yelling at somebody who swiped
your parking place in front of the treasurer’s office, and you got really
ugly. I could never figure out what your big attraction was. Anyway, I look
better than you ever did, and I can’t get to first base. So what was your
secret?
–Downtrodden in Dixon

Hey Big Daddy,

Sen. Don Perata recently lamented the rise in power of political
consultants. I heard that when you were Assembly speaker and state
treasurer, you couldn’t stand political consultants and thought they were
bed sores on the backside of politics. Now that you see the modern political
landscape with a higher perspective, do you still feel as negative about
political consultants? There are more political consultants now than ever.
Have consultants ruined politics?

–Curious about consultants

Hey Big Daddy,

The state Republican Party meets this weekend in San Jose for the
convention–and I’m going. I’m a Capitol staffer in his mid-20s, and I’ve
never been to a convention before, but I’ve heard a lot about them. My only
duties are to schmooze with people and represent my boss before the
attendees, and after that my time is my own. But at night, I want to have
fun. Do you have any suggestions for the best way to have fun at a political
convention? Basically, I want to drink and meet women, but do you think that
might reflect on my boss, who is a family values kind of guy?

–Confused

Hey Big Daddy,

I am a relatively junior staffer in the Capitol, still trying to make career
connections. My new boss has asked me to a poker game next week, and there
will be some big-wigs there–at least by my humble standards. The thing is, I
spent a couple years working part-time at a Tahoe-area casino (that’s not on
my resume, by the way) and I know my way around a deck of cards.
So do I try to impress them and take their shirts? Or do I know my place and
lose graciously–and intentionally?

– Ace in the Hole