Big Daddy

Hey Big Daddy,
So, the rest of the world has weighed in, now it’s your turn. What do you think of Sarah Palin?
Swing-voter in Stockton

Hey SIS,

Being President of the United States sounds unappealing on a number of different levels. There’s the constant hassle from the Secret Service, having to talk to foreign leaders, having to hear Hail to the Chief ad nauseum. But one part of the job did always have it’s appeal – the power to elevate anyone you damn well please to within a heartbeat of the most powerful position in the world.

We can talk all we want about the virtues of McCain’s pick, and I’m sure we will continue to do so for the next couple of weeks.  By now, the questions are familiar ones: Did McCain do it to court Hillary voters? Did he just want to take the sizzle out of the Obama speech last week? Was it just to placate the squishy right-wingers in McCain’s Republican base? Only the Shadow knows.

But to answer your question directly, I do have some concerns about the selection. Like many Americans, I, too, have some doubts about Sarah Palin’s credentials to be president. But mine are probably different than some of yours. My worries have little, if anything, to do with her lack of experience in elected office. Heck, there are plenty of longtime elected officials who I wouldn’t want on the ticket, either. It’s not even the fact that she doesn’t believe that human activity has anything to do with global warming. And it certainly has nothing to do with whether or not her daughter is pregnant.

No, what worries me most of all is something buried in the dark recesses of Palin’s personal past. It’s a secret so dark, so dire, that I’m going to have to advise any children reading this column to skip to the last paragraph. For the rest of you, here’s the core of my concern: Sarah Palin is a recovering journalism major.

Journalism is the only profession I know that makes lobbyists look good.

Now, to her credit, as far as I know, the artist formerly known as Sarah Heath only worked in journalism for a short time, and quickly figured out there were better things to do. Moose hunting, for example. Or dog mushing, whatever the heck that is.

And what time she did work in the field was as a television journalist, which is to say not much of a journalist at all. And she was a sports anchor, which almost makes her redeemable. Almost.

There’s an archived Internet clip out there that shows Palin, circa 1988, reading off sports scores for an Alaska television station, in that Fargo-esque accent. And from the looks of things, she’s got enough hairspray in that 1988 hairdo to cut her own private hole in the Ozone Layer, if you happen to believe there is an Ozone Layer, or at least that there used to be one.

But that’s besides the point. The point is, there oughtta be a law – no journalists in the White House. That goes for you, Chris Matthews, and double for you, Barbara Boxer. Heck, the only other presidential candidate I know who studied journalism in college is Pat Buchannan. I’ll just let you all write your own punch lines for that one.

So, give me the moose-hunting PTA mom who was mayor of a town the size of Winters back when Sally Lieber was first elected to the Assembly. Hell, put Sally Lieber herself on the ticket, for all I care. But please, please, stay away from the journalists.