Dear Big Daddy,
I’m a female lobbyist, and already an Assembly freshman has hit on me. This could get difficult. What do I do?
–Annoyed in Antelope
With apologies to Peter, Paul, and Mary: “Where has all the chivalry gone?”
It used to be that a man would wait until he was sworn into office before he started chasing down the sweet-smelling, attractive young women of the lobbying persuasion. I guess this is another one of those unintended consequences of term limits. Since these young hot shots only have six years in office–four before they enter lame-duck status–they need to get busy on all fronts to try and take full advantage of the perks of elective office.
Not that Big Daddy thinks that making time with long-legged female lobbyists is a perk that Assembly members or anyone else is “entitled” to have. Now, before Bob Crown, Tom Bane, and some of my other old running buddies start doing summersaults in their graves and slip a disc, truth be told, there probably was a time in my younger days when I did feel that was a right that at least more senior members of the body may have been entitled to, if they found a willing participant. However, as loyal readers of this column have discovered, Big Daddy has mellowed over the years. Why, I’m nearly great-grandfatherly at this stage of life, and if I didn’t detest warm milk as much as I do, I’m sure together we, what with the holidays approaching and all, could create some moments straight out of Miracle on 34th Street.
Now, there are a number of approaches you could take with your recent high-school graduate:
1. Turn The Other Cheek. While I don’t doubt the allure of your good looks, taste, and sophistication (you did, after all, come to Big Daddy for advice on this problem), the reality is your young suitor is like a kid who goes away to college and finds his way to his first keg party. For most of these folks, it’s not the quality of the beer that’s important, it’s the quantity. Freshman Fred will soon be discovering a whole new class of women that he never knew existed, and many of them won’t have your intelligence and good sense of taste. This one is focused on putting points on the scoreboard, not continuing to beat a zone defense that bats down every one of his passes–meaning that ignoring him should be enough to send him scurrying in search of a secondary that’s softer than the Pillsbury Dough Boy. If that doesn’t work, try