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Who fleeced the ficus from Mary Salas? Despondent members of the freshman assemblywoman’s staff have send out an urgent bulletin seeking an answer to the Mother Goose-worthy enquiry. “Assemblymember Salas’ office (2nd floor) was remodeled during the period Friday, March 29–Tuesday, April 3. Our boss’ ficus tree was ‘lost’ in the process …

please return it, no questions asked!” Which raises another question: What’s the finder’s fee for a found ficus, anyhow? …

Speaking of fleecing, that’s exactly what the Republicans did to the Democrats in the soon-to-be annual legislative basketball game. The Elephants made Asses out of their partisan opponents, 55-30. According to witnesses of the spectacle, Cameron Smythe, Guy Houston and Jeff Denham led the way for the GOP, while Jared Huffman, Hector De La Torre and Laura Richardson did what they could for the Dems. Best costume went to Anthony Portantino, who sported a temporary Che Guevara tattoo for the occasion, a photo of which will probably find its way to a campaign hit piece somehow, sometime, somewhere. …

Behind the closed doors of the Capitol’s sixth-floor cafeteria, workers are busily trying to get the place reopened. Most of the changes being made are cosmetic, but there was enough cosmetic work to be done to keep the place closed until next month, at least. The new owner is Dam Kahn, the proprietor of O’Deli at 915 L Street. When the place finally does reopen, it’s expected to serve standard fare: sandwiches, burgers, etc.


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