The holiday season is now well under way. Christmas carols are taking over every extant means of mass communication and there’s so much goodwill around the squirrels in Capitol Park have quit chasing each other across the lawn.
In the spirit of peace and love, then, we bring forth our First Annual Gift List for California political types:
John Chiang: more name recognition
John Cox, Delaine Eastin, Travis Allen: see above
Janet Napolitano: less name recognition
Antonio Villaraigosa: a huge turnout of Los Angeles Latinos in 2018, all of whom have forgotten any affairs long in the past. Long in the past, do you hear?
Tom Chorneau: huge sales of his racy novel about Capitol intrigue, sex and money, with a TV series in the offing starring Raul Bocanegra and Matt Dababneh.
Bullet train’s Dan Richard: more federal funding
The twin tunnels: more federal funding
Capitol Weekly: any kind of funding
Felicia Marcus: rain
Frank Gehrke: snow
Jerry Brown: Fifteen (OK, 20) years off his age, clearing the way for his fourth run at the presidency
Capitol women: the assurance that they can walk into a meeting without being sexually harassed
Tom Steyer: Donald Trump decides to save him an additional $20 million in impeachment ads and resigns
Kevin de León: an end to term limits that force him into an uphill battle against Dianne Feinstein
Dianne Feinstein: Kevin joins a rock band with a permanent gig in Kazakhstan
Jim Brulte: Republican registration continues to stay ahead of “decline to state”
Decline to state: Registration finally surpasses GOP voter signups
Eric Bauman: Good turnout in a special election in any part of the state for any office
Eric Bauman, Part Deux: California Democrats have a love-in; Berniecrats and the Establishment exchange cannabis-infused brownies
California Republican House members Jeff Denham, David Valadao, Steve Knight, Ed Royce, Mimi Walters, Dana Rohrabacher, Darrell Issa and Duncan Hunter: Donald Trump goes away, quickly
Gavin Newsom: Lieutenant governors rock! Especially good-looking ones! Voters forgive past affairs! (See: Villaraigosa.)
Eric Garcetti: Who says mayors can’t become presidents?
Xavier Becerra: Donald Trump says lawsuits expanding states’ rights against Washington’s dictates is a swell idea; Jeff Sessions says he now he remembers it’s a swell idea, too
Kamala Harris: There is a sudden national realization that Barack Obama had been in the Senate only a short time before moving into the White House
Anthony Rendon: California voters finally realize that the Assembly is made up of honest, hardworking, sexually pure people who long to return to civilian life when term limits liberate them from the hell of lawmaking