I’ve been working in politics for about seven years and finally feel like I’m establishing myself. Problem is, just when I’ve got a good thing going in my career, my significant other is living two states away.
She’s a city girl, and isn’t exactly big on the idea of moving to Sacramento. What should I do? Do I relocate and live like a civilian? Or do I give her an ultimatum: Move to Sac or find someone else?
–Moping in Midtown
I got your note from the bottom of my mail bag, and I’m sorry to hear you’re still desperate. I thought I took care of you earlier, back in ’05.
In my years of cutting deals, sometimes I won and sometimes – rarely – I lost. Often, when compromise couldn’t be reached, it wasn’t because both sides didn’t want to find mutual ground, it was because the circumstances just weren’t right. So it is with relationships: If only you’d met her earlier; if only you hadn’t been so busy with grad school; if only she wasn’t your first cousin. You get the picture.
You can’t go back in time, you can’t quit school, and you can’t guarantee that getting it on with your mother’s niece won’t leave you with a web-footed boy who is forced to join the carnival. (Hang with me, there is a point.)
Consider that you may be trying to cut a deal that has too many extenuating circumstances to reach a realistic compromise. If that’s the case, call it a night. Go grab some egg foo yung at Simon’s, wash it down with three or nine beers, and be a man about it. Big Daddy knows your temptations. You’ll want to call up your platonic girlfriends and examine why things didn’t work. Don’t do it. Hang up the phone. Post-game process stories should be left to grumpy columnists and editorial writers who’ve never had to cut a deal in their lives but seem to know everything about everyone else’s business.
(By the way, Big Daddy has some thoughts on all those women you hang out with but never make the moves on, but that’s for another column.)
There may be another solution. Contrary to what you may read in those fairy tales and romance novels that feature bare-chested men with long flowing hair on the cover, there’s no such thing as your ‘one true love.’ But hopefully you’ve been around the block enough times to know that by now. Relationships are a lot like politics. They’re both about compromise and mutual benefit. Love, on the other hand, is more like religion. It’s black and white and based on belief rather than hard evidence.
You need to think long and hard about what you are willing to sacrifice to be in a relationship with your girl, and vice-versa. This is a big decision you’re about to make.
Nesting is fine for Assembly districts, but is it really for you?
Do you really want her here? Having her in Sacramento could mean fewer nights drinking with your political “friends,” including the aforementioned platonic girlfriends. Romance sounds like a good idea when you’ve got the state of Nevada in the way, but what happens the day she gets a 916 cell phone?
I’m not necessarily suggesting a “political marriage” is right for you, but let’s just say you wouldn’t be the first one to “come to an agreement” of some kind.